Multistory 2012 now 18+ (thanks Heero ;-F )

[loulabelle]

Something we've done before: http://www.alandfaraway.org/forums/view ... =6&t=25057

Write a bit, post it, someone writes the next bit, et cetera.

I'll start.

--

"You know... I think things are going to turn out just fine." The man appeared to be conversing to himself to the distant observer, but someone closer might see the large rat perched on his shoulder.

"What git yer figurin' that eh?" The rat said. It circled across the man's shoulders and settled on his other shoulder, nibbling at his ear.

"Well... they'll never know it was me. Fires... well they happen."

"Aye ye git that righ'... inns're terrible fer tha'... bloody pile of tinder jus' waitin' ter go up in smoke" The rat agreed.

"Right right..." The man said distractedly. He walked up a gentle incline, his staff staking the way upon hard soil for him. His boots were already road-dusted and his robes flapped disheartedly around his ankles.

"I'm sure ain't nay person saw tha' orb o' fire from yer fingertips"

"Well let's hope shall we?"

"We?" The rat chittered and chased its tail. "I'mma bloody rat ye moron... nay git nuthin' on meh"

The young man grimaced as he walked. Familiars were supposed to be your friend, your companion, this one... well to say he had gotten the short end of the stick would be putting it mildly. It's addiction to pipeweed hardly helped either.

"Well, I'll hope then, seeing how you are unable to offer such a small little token of friendship and loyalty for me," he said in what he hoped he was an icy tone, but judging by the rat's chittering laughter right into his earhole, missed the mark considerably.

"It will be fine" He added defensively. "I'm not arrested, dead, or accused. I've been working out. The prestidigation is finally working on my acne. The barmaid said red hair made my eyes a beautiful shade of blue."

The rat nipped his ear and muttered something in its hoarse, disturbingly deep voice about "fishin' fer a tip". The man ignored it.

"Oh yes..." He continued on, raising his head to the weak morning sunlight and breathing in a deep breath of clean mountain air, the stench of smoke finally being behind him now. "Oh yes... the world is my oyster for the taking and Pendrick Penumbra, is ready to pluck some pearls!"

[Heero]

"S'gunna be tha tavern er will ye be liftin' 'em rocks ag'in", the rat asked, knowing immediately what pearls were wont for Pendrick's plucking. The tavern's appearance over the hill answered the rat's question despite Pendrick's silence, "Aye, tha wenches it'll be."

"There is plenty of time to go balls-to-the-wall lifting rocks mañana, rat", Pendrick barked in response.

The evening wore on, but all the while the rat watched Pendrick's dance with the coquettish serving maid. The coquette was obviously foreign or maybe some sort of elvish -- she looked like Lady Alustriel, only with bigger jugs. Pendrick pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and he withdrew.

The rat followed as the coquette's now lustful gaze beckoned Pendrick through the kitchen door. Her blouse was already off, revealing her jugs. With a single, deft motion, Pendrick ripped every garment of clothing from his body. Her eyes gleamed with excitement as she looked upon his freshly shaven, shining muscles -- lats that might block the sun and glutes so solid they could crush walnuts.

Pendrick swept the half prepared food and dining wear from one of the tables, then turned to grab her. She was already atop him. He fell back upon the table with her atop him, her massive funbags hanging over him like immense udders. Their uglies were on the verge of bumping, her hand reached down to grasp his massive metallic member.

Oh, did I mention he is a cyborg? That's kind of important. Yeah, a cyborg. Awesome.

The evening had become night. The parting clouds revealed starry night skies and a shining, full moon.

"Oooooooooooooooowhoo!!", Pendrick howled.

The rat covered his face with his hand as he sat shaking his head.

[CloudDancing]

Hooded and all in dusk colored leathers, two gleaming reflective orbs in the corner booth. A hand-rolled cigarette, paused at thin shadowed lips, followed by a curl of pungent euphoric smoke that wafted toward the ceiling. The gnomish automated fans sucked it up keeping the humid mid-summer air stirring, otherwise the sparse patrons of the seamy dive would be coated in sweat.

Her hidden eyebrows raised imperceptibly. This is the idiot perp I am supposed to bring in? This is going to be a long haul *eyeing his furious pumpings and grindings* a very long haul.

She stood, her excessively long, thin frame, barely female but for two hard bumps at her chest and vague suggestion of hips sucked tightly into skintight leathers. A trained eye could see there were weapons a plenty strapped to her, long and thin, in tight straight pockets, at wrist and ankle. Her hand pulled a rod from her belt slowly under her cloak, her dark amber eyes hidden in leather goggles and smoked lenses, as she walked passed the rutting muscle-bound freak and his doe, and tossed the innkeeper a bag of coins.

Then turning she jammed the rod against the neck of the male, filling him full of electricity as the Gnomes had informed her would render a large animal unconscious for a time, as the ample woman underneath him shrieked and cursed.

With a strong shove that seemed impossible for one of her small statue and size, the female bounty hunter, knocked him off the table, his spray streaming, still proudly and metallically erect, flat on the floor as chases of blue electricity flowed over his metal parts. Quickly she produced a set of manacles, again Gnomish, self-adjusting electrifying restraint devices, and pulled his arms behind him, latching the clasps.

Cursing, the besmirched barmaid gathered her soiled petticoats and cupped her bosoms into her leather bodice sulking. Greedily she reached down to his waist and took his purse, her eyes challenging the leather clad elf to stop her.

"Let me hav' it. The brute dinae' pay me first. For all me trouble ya see!"

The Elf nodded and hollered outside as two bulky human teamsters came in, lifted the half-man, half-automaton up-up-up, and tossed him in a wagon. The Elf lithely leaped to the wagon seat, slapped the reigns against the two Rothe.

"Boys we are headed toward Lantan. If ya can't ride with me, tell me now so I can hire some new help."

The man-mechnical groaned from the wagon.

"Debts have to be paid Mr. Penumbra, when you deal with the Gnomish Syndicate, debts MUST be paid!"

[Rumple C]

Far away in Lantan, a certain gnomish syndicate was in receipt of a magical sending. The message gnome ran into the fishers council, his red hat clutched in his sinister looking and ill proportioned hands. His stumpy legs and overly large boots caught an irregular floor board, sending him crashing to the floor just inside the council room. 5 gnomish heads turned to see what the comotion was all about.

The messanger gnome wheezed a moment before speaking "My lords! She has him!... but no sign of the rat!".

An excited chitter ran around the room. The messanger noted random comments as he dusted himself off, and backed out of the room.

"Well, thats something at least"

"But, its the rat that..."

"Calishamn itch"

"Giggle bottle"

When he was out of sight of the councillers, the messanger gnome reached into his pocket and pulled out a kerchef, mopping sweat from his face, taking extra attention with his ridiculously sized nose.

Something brushed against his leg... oh, his Lantan built timepiece. He checked the time (thirteenth hour, and eightieth minute), before snapping it shut, then paused a moment, running his thumb over the engraving of the the weregnomish rat sage, Muffinslisher...

[Heero]

The elven bounty hunter surveyed the mess of her once skintight leathers littering the floor. The leathers had been cut and ripped from her body in the throes of passion, neither Pendrick nor she of a mind to struggle with their proper removal. As Pendrick busied himself dressing, she leaned toward the nightstand to procure one of her hand-rolled cigarettes.

With a thud the now dressed Pendrick's rock hard glutes hit the bed beside the elf. He gave her tight tushie a solid smack before she could spin around to face him.

"I need to see about a rat, toots", he said.

She could only smile to him as he stood to make an exit.

"I promise Ill find a wizard to send you a sending mañana, babe", Pendrick said with a wink and an air smooch.

The elf giggled as he left the room. At what moment she knew her desire burned with near unquenchable fury for Pendrick was unknown even to her, but it was inevitable -- he is a cyborg, and cyborgs are awesome.

[Rumple C]

Pendrick set his walk mode to "saunter" and did so out of the cheap inn which he had rented for the afternoon. Ah life was good, when one was a cyborg. Best investment he ever made, being half human, half robot from the waist down. Which in his opinion made him all stud.

Offcourse he did buy the lower half of himself on credit to some gnomes, but pft, they were only gnomes. And besides all the bounty hunters they had sent after him to reposess... him had failed... as he posessed... them.

He idly adjusted his robot bits.

Now where did that insufferable rat scurry off too?

................................

Back at the inn, the elven woman winced as she rolled over and tried to stand. Who could have known that seducing a cyborg would have hurt so much? Still, at least now she had the rat, and had cunningly inserted a tracking device into her cyborg paramour during the throes of -his- passion.

She drank a potion of healing and sat up, a little easier.

This would have been so much easier, if she were cyborg from the waist down.

She nodded to herself. Cyborgs were awesome.

[loulabelle]

Chapter Seven, in which we learn about the mindworkings of were Rattus norvegicus aka Muffinslisher gets some

The problem with humans, was everything. The rat had decided this pretty early on in his association with sexaholic, illusionaholic moronic mage.

When he'd nipped a ride out of Lantan masquerading as the idiot human's familiar, he thought it would be a pretty good gig. See some action, see the realms, catch some exotic diseases, oh no wait that was the apparent goal of the human.

He had to stop calling the fucktard a human. When Pendrick had first come to Lantan asking about a new "magic rod", Muffinslisher had thought he meant a staff. And so he did, but not a traditional staff. He recalled unveiling the thing before the dumbass and the man's first response.

"Er... that's a bit longer than I had thought it would be, don't want to hurt someone HAR HAR" The echo of the twat's chuckle rang in the rat's mind. Muffinslisher had shortened it as required, grumbling to himself that if the customer wanted a mechanised wand, maybe he should have asked for one. Or possibly it was an imperial versus metric issue, because that had never happened before. He rolled his beady black eyes and wished for the umpteenth time that Faerun would move into the bleeding fourteenth Dale Reckoned century and get with the times. Nobface had been pleased with the final result and Muffinslisher had been curious what the man intended to do with his new piece. When Penumbra wrote "wang" instead of "wand" on the receipt, he assumed the moron was just dyslexic. Or a poor speller. That was the problem with the special mage schools, learn magic and fuck the core readin' writin' and 'rithmetic.

Well that had been several months ago now and he'd seen what Penumbra wanted his new "staff" for. Far more times than the rat had wished to see. As he watched the illusioned lats heaving and the sweat beading over enlarged selfed glutes, all the time while his carefully crafted artifact pounded into yet another harlot, he decided enough was enough.

Didn't take long to find a nest of rats, Penumbra spent more on his women than he did his accommodations. Muffinslisher quickly got rid of all the other males and established himself the sole male rat in the building. He'd watched the human-gnomish wang hybrid cyborg long enough. It was time for Muffinslisher, wererat, to get some.

[CloudDancing]

"Gninjas Assemble!"

The diminutive elder, clad in neutral robes, motioned to his attendant who flicked a switch, which set five gears in motion, which then rang a gong. The echo reverberated in the large chamber and in just a few moments, ropes dropped down from the occulus, followed by seven black clad gnome sized ninja's in skin tight jumpsuits. They rolled to circle the elder and bowed there heads in reverence.

"You, my Gninjas, elite of the Lantan Corps are to go find the one they called Pendrick Penumbra and the traitorous harlot of a bounty hunter you hired, the Skrael and terminate them unless them can provide the total amounts they were paid by the Syndicate. Do not spare him the force of your Gninjitsu! You must go forth and take them for the honor of your countryman."

He paused thoughtfully, tugging his long braided beard.

"However, if you see a Ratling male there by the name of the Muffinslisher I want you to subdue him and bring him to me. There is a chance..."

Bright blue eyes looked up at him under pink brows, "He is being the one, we was told about, long ago, in the far far times?"

The elder nodded blowing his big blobby nose on a purple silk handkerchief.

"There is always a chance we will find a anthropomorphic humanoid that could be our chosen one. So handle him with the softest of kid gloves if you have the luck to run into him."

He tossed a purple velvet sack in the middle of them.

"This contains everything you will need, including the air ship. Make haste my Gninjas, time is of the essence!"

[Rumple C]

As the the elder and his attendants painfuly waddled out the the chamber, the gninjas disapeared in to the scenery as was their want. There was a flick of a curtain, a swoosh of air, and the chamber appeared completely deserted.

There was a slow drip, drip, drip from somewhere. Keen gninja eyes made out a slowly spreading dark stain on the purple sack which had been tossed upon the flagstoned floor.

Threre was another dramatic woosh, and suddenly the purple sack was surrounded by excitedly silent gninjas. Underneath black skin tight masks they frowned as one, and the purple sack opened itself revealing a mess of broken potion bottles and a shattered miniature airship. Each ninja turned his head to the right, and shrugged as one.

They silently sighed, and in a well practised synchronised motion threw explosive smoke pellets on the floor... and vanished from sight.

........................

Far far away in the walls of a seedy inn Muffinslisher was attending to his rat harem. It wasn't all he imagined. To start with the sex had been dismal. After furiosuly humping for a few seconds it was all over, and he was left spent, on top of a wriggling rat who didn't want to cuddle.

Whats more with no other male rates around, he was overrun with females in heat, nipping at his paws. There was a great intellectual divide here, he decided, peering back at beady rat eyes.

Hold on...

He was getting a familiar feeling... oh gods... no...

It wasn't... that phase of the moon again? Curses!

Muffinslisher felt a pop in his shoulder as the curse began to enact its dreadful magic. He scattered demanding and unsatisfied rats left and right as he sprang into movement, he had to get out of these walls! He scurried over and around, up and down, in and out, dodging amorous rats, avoiding steel spring traps (ridiculous, needed more cogs, and steam!), and rattled down a drainpipe, where he lay panting, staring up at the full moon.

The curse took effect, and he painfuly changed, tearing at his skin, into the most vile of creatures... a gnome. He cursed the day he had ever been bitten by a rabid were-gnome.