Ramblings of a Crazed Noble (18+)

[JonnyJerny]

((Western Heartlands, background to future event))

NO! THIS CANNOT BE! NO, NO, NO, NO!

My brother... My beloved sibling... Murdered, in cold blood! To share the graves with... With... those savages! Those uncivilized, useless savages! Those uncultured swines! Those... Those... Grah!

He knew of the Heartlands, he knew you couldn't just simply walk into that wasteland... Must he continue his dealings with those absent-minded brutes?! Has he put himself on their level?! Bah! I never knew of the coward! He were never my brother!

Despite my brother's foolish nature, no one deserves to die in the hands of those feral beings... The Gate would be more prosperous, safer, grander, if that region were to subside... But, how...? Brother took the rest of the royal guard, who, in light of his recent death, have probably fled and joined the savages. Fools! Father gave them food and lounge and status! They'll be hanged for their desertion! All of them! Hanged!

Ah, but I digress... The Heartlands... I must purify it, for the sake of poor mother. Oh, mother. Are you happy with the burden you left me? Do you enjoy brother's company, now that he's with you? Are you enjoying seeing me fall face first into the ground?! Are you laughing at father's misery?! Curse you! And curse you too, brother!

But... This burden... I am the last bastion of my family's status. Our name? It is a LAUGHING STOCK in all of the Gate. Are there peasants waiting outside our home for bread? Are there ceremonies, dinner parties, events in our name? Are we the first name in someone's mind at first mention of the Gate? No! No, no, no, no, NO! Our name is in stake! My name! Father's name! And father, oh father... Father, father, father... I do not even know how to deal with you. Quite frankly? You are just an obstacle for everlasting glory for our family! I cast you aside! Your servants are mine! Your guards are mine! Your possessions, brother's possessions, uncle's possessions, even MOTHER'S possessions, all mine! MINE! MINE! MINE! Oh my... My mistake. Lowly servant! Replace this table! (I'll need to make a note that only the strongest material of furniture is deserving of my possession.)

Now... Where was I... Oh yes! Protection of the family name! Yes, yes, yes! Hrm... Is Dragonspear Castle still unclaimed? Of course it is! What madman would want that piece of rubble? I will need to send Father's... Oh, my mistake... My scouts to investigate... Nonetheless, claimed or not, it is no matter! Because it's now mine! Brother, may the gods rest your soul... But your pathetic failures will pave the way for our family's... No... Not the family's... My success! Do not worry! Your humiliating death will not be in vain! The Lordington name will be known among the untamed Heartlands, among the primitive natives! They will kiss my feet! They will beg for salvation! Dragonspear Castle! Bah! Never heard of it! All I know of is the Lordington Estate!

...
...
...
...

Scouts! On me... How do you feel of a trip to the Heartlands, to Dragonspear Castle? You've heard of Dragonspear Castle, yes? Yes! Of course you have! Everyone has...! Now... Listen carefully... Are you listening? SCOUTS?! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! LOOK ME IN THE EYE! ARE. YOU. LISTENING TO ME? DO YOU HEAR ME? Oh? You do! Wonderful! Now... Where was I... Oh yes! Heartlands, yes? You will... You're listening, right? Of course you are! You will... Venture to the region, you will capture any local you come across... Child, woman, men, anyone, you will put them to chains... What?! Did I say kill?! Did I?! LOOK AT ME. DID I SAY KILL?! NO? I DIDN'T? THEN WHY ARE YOU ASKING?!... Phew! I could use a drink right now... You, lovely! Get me an elegant glass of wine! What kind? Oh! Surprise me, love! Heh heh. Now... Back to you gentlemen... Hrm... Huh... Forgive me if you will, I seem to have lost my train of thought... Oh? What was it, you said, lad? Oh yes! The Heartlands!... You will begin your trek to Dragonspear in... A week? A week is reasonable, yes! Well there you have it! Ta ta, gentlemen! Rest well!

Oh, what a day... I suppose it is time to retire...

((TL;DR : Sh*tty and needless meta attempt to advertise a future event I want to DM on Western Heartlands.))
((Feedback please. I'm not used to this style of writing.))
((I hope this is a good enough of a hook so people can start thinking about playing on Western Heartlands.))

[Rumple C]

Ominous.

[JonnyJerny]

Boys!
Focus on the,
Tongue tied,
And it's impossible,
impossible,
to hide.

Buzzing out of line,
From the front of the stage,
Out in the board.
Daylight,
Everything's in,
Wind time,
And it's impossible,
impossible,
to hide.

[JonnyJerny]

Trust in time,
Of their parade,
To clothe them -
Mind the cries for mercy -
Where the raindrops spill on the ramps,
A barrage of hard whistles,
And eventually, they accumulate,
Into flogs of tears and heartaches,
Better write off the coast, for sudden sails,
And relationships.

Eight splinters in my mouth,
Words trapped in a chain,
When the cells retell our time,
Dripping off our tails.

Sleepless nights, tied awake.

She's well,
Some of the best, you know there's no need to ponder, right?
Sunk eyes, to pass the time,
And to push your soft friends
All washed away.

You see,
The coming of age,
Crashing soundwaves,
You're all but done.
Champagne,
Is on a tidal wave, home.

Ate the splinters in my mouth,
Words trapped in my teeth,
Wait for the decay,
Do you feel the sour taste of time?
Dripping with red wine?

[JonnyJerny]

Yawn... Oh! Morning, love. Muah! Muah! Tell your cousin I said hello! Oh... By the way... I look forward to the wedding, love!... Eh...? What...? But... He said... WHAT?! You! Servant! Close the door! CLOSE THE DOOR! ...And to the subject at hand... Miss, with all due respect, but... Did I give you the right to make such arrangements?! Did I give you the right to do what you want?! Did I ever loosen my leash on you?! DID I?! Love... You don't seem to understand... We OWN you... No... No, no, no, no, no, NO! I own you! So what do you think'll happen when you go on saying nonsense like that?! Hm?! You think I'll forgive and forget?! Hm, love?! Bah! Move aside! I'll just pick from the other wenches... Did I stutter?! GO! LEAVE! TAKE EVERYTHING, AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT, B*TCH!... Oh, don't cry, love... I'm sure the Blade and Stars needs a new whore walking around... Wait... Why are you still here...? GO!

...Now, if you'll excuse me... My scouts from the Heartlands should be back... WHERE'S MY ROBE!? FATHER! MY ROBE!

[JonnyJerny]

Good morrow, good morrow! Welcome back, gentlemen! Shall I get you a drink? A blanket? A whore? Ah! Who am I kidding! Welcome! Welcome! Please! Sit! No, no, no, I insist! SIT!

Ah... Love, would you pour these fine men a glass of wine? Oh, thank you, sweet! Now... You lot... Are you well? Your trip was safe?... Say... Didn't I send five men... Oh? Oh! How very interesting! How exhilarating! I envy the excitement you were all thrown into!... Bah! He was a liability anyways. You! You take his place! See how fast and efficient that was fixed? Haha! Laugh with me,boys! Haha! Hahahaha! Ah... More wine please, love? My thanks, my thanks! NOW... But I digress... What information have you find about Dragonspear...? Hrm... Yes... Yes... WAIT! STOP! You, love! A paper and pen, if you will?... My very humble thanks! Now, go from the beginning... Yes... Yes... Mhm... Of course... Uh huh... Ooh! How marvelous...!.... Mhm... Mhm... Of course... Yes... Yes! Remarkable!... REMARKABLE! That's amazing, lads! Truly, TRULY, amazing! Love, bring this back to my quarters, if you will...? GODS! HOW JOLLY I FEEL RIGHT NOW! Would you folk like to go on a walk, with me? Yes! A walk! A simple stroll out in the market!... Oh, understandable, of course! You, send these extravagant men to rooms to retire in... No, no, not the torture room, silly! The room next to it!... Oh, speaking of which... Remind me to deal with the WRETCH that murdered dear brother... Jolly! Thank you! Ta ta, lads!

...
...
...

EXCELLENT! JUST EXCELLENT! 'Tis all coming together! Dragonspear Castle, while occupied, remains in weak holding! Nothing that father's royal regiment cannot overthrow!... A slight problem, however... The rising orc threat within the area is grim news, indeed... Yes, very grim... Hmm... Perhaps it is wise to wait it out, yes...? Hah! I crack myself up! What am I? A lady?! Those damn barbaric buffoons are nothing that father's guards cannot handle! Oh! I seem to have had an epiphany! The brain dead monkeys will worship me for pushing out the Orcs! They'll kiss me from head to toe! They'll be submissive to my every command, afterwards! Oh, Lordington, you are a genius!

So... A week or two, perhaps? I will need time to rest my intellect and arrange my wedding! Now, where did that one run off too... FATHER! WHERE IS KATHERINE? FATHER!

[JonnyJerny]

((I don't know either. Other than the whole Japan setting it kind of felt like what I wanted to do with the Lordington plot. It's pretty shitty, just warning you now. This is what happens when I try to write something swanky.))

I need ten more nights in Shibuya,
I need ten more nights in Shibuya,
I need ten more nights,
Yes I do,
I need ten more nights in Shibuya,
I need ten more nights there with you.

We play hard,
They aren't,
You hate the nights where I take off,
Wanna see all?
So,
Can we go?
Do the damned thing,
They don't know a damn thing,
I need ten more nights here,
So we see who's more dangerous,
Champagne thinks we're famous,
I think I've turned my strangest.
So,
Can we go to Tokyo?
Form a big screen,
I think we're in a big dream.

Tell me where the sun is at,
All I see is city lights,
And pretty types of women,
I haven't slept,
To wake in 50 nights,
For real,
I don't ever play the crib,
If you're always home just noddin'
You won't get the way I live,
I don't chill,
I just fill,
Up my cup and get another one,
Buy a round of shots,
Make sure I get my rubber some,
I like my women troublesome,
Also like 'em sweet,
We just step out of the club,
Into the city streets,
Then the sheets,
Heh.


I need ten more nights in Shibuya,
I need ten more nights in Shibuya,
I need ten more nights,
Yes I do,
I need ten more nights in Shibuya,
I need ten more nights there with you.

[JonnyJerny]

Blech. 'Tis is a bit muggy here, isn't it...? You! Yes! You! Don't look at me like that! Come here, lad! You look like a smart one. You know much about the Heartlands...? Oh! You do, don't ya? Wonderful, wonderful! Well then, lad! What do you suppose that big pile of rubble is, right over there? No, no! Over THERE!... Hah! Very funny, lad! But now's not the time for jokes... Oh? Oh?! You cannot possibly be serious! Sigh... Men! Gather 'round here...! You, keep an eye on my horse.

Who here is familiar with the Heartlands? Huh? Come on, now! Don't be shy! Hrm... Alright, alright. So I trust you know what that pile of rubble is, over there...? What? What?! WHAT?!

GRAH! TO DRAGONSPEAR CASTLE, LADS!


((Sorry that it's terribly short, my head is still spinning.))

[JonnyJerny]

Dearest Henry de Rochelle,

My gratifying uncle! My graceful uncle! Uncle Henry! Are your old, weary bones quite alright? How have the years been treating you? How is your hospitable wife? Is she still as gorgeous as the rising moon? And what about your delicate little flower, the one that you sent away? Does she still remember me? Oh gods, I hope she still remembers me... But I digress! I'll have to visit some time, soon, very soon! I felt an awful need to finally write to my favorite uncle, and to let him know how wonderful I am doing!

As of now, I am at Dragonspear castle... Does that name ring a bell? I'm sure your lips have curled into a smile, just now. Yes, your nephew has mustered the strength to prove his worth! The whole situation is complicated, but long story short, our family's name is going down the drain. We have no status! No influence! People laugh at our name, now! Even connections to the marvelous de Rochelle name do nothing to ease the pain! My mother has passed. I'm sure you remembered her, a rumbustious, but elegant one, she was. Father has become ill... I fear he will not live past winter. And my brother was killed by savages out in the Heartlands... My heavy heart drowns in sorrow. I am my family's only hope!

...But, enough of the sappy talk! I am doing fine, now! I have my own men now, my own servants, my own horse, my own riches, father has finally made me my own man! Aren't you proud of me! Haha!

...And that leads me to the point of this letter. Your little flower I mentioned earlier? Do you remember when you introduced her to me? It was in father's royal court... She was the most extravagant, loveliest thing I set my unworthy orbs upon... Words couldn't describe her beauty. I do not think she remembers talking to me... And I do not feel privileged to print her name on such dull paper... I toss and turn every night, recalling her fragrance, her build, and her elegance... I whisper her name in my sleep, every night. But uncle, if you can heed my request... I would like your permission to marry her. Marry her! Doesn't that sound like a sound idea?

Your dearest, and favorite nephew,

Charles Lordington

[JonnyJerny]

*The noble's journal is empty... If one would flip through the blank pages, that person wouldn't find anything... Unless, they happen to flip all the way to the last page.*

Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf VardWolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard Wolf Vard WOLF VARD WOLF VARD WOLF VARD WOLF VARD WOLF VARD WOLF VARD WOLF VARD WOLF VARD WOLF VARD

...The words that are written in all capital letters are printed in red, bloody ink, rather than black ink, like the rest of the name.

[JonnyJerny]

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[JonnyJerny]

"I look forward to meeting you, your highness!"

-Wolf Vard

...A smile curled onto my face. Wonderful! Oh, wonderful! SPLENDID!

"SOMEONE FETCH A HORSE FOR OUR WONDERFUL GUEST! NOW! CHOP CHOP! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR LAD, GET UP! A VERY SPECIAL GUEST IS ON HIS WAY!"

I looked back at my mirror, and grinned toothily. I raised my hands up, staring at my reflection.

"Oh, Mister Vard! Please! Make yourself at home, my friend!"

((Tied to this.))