Songs of Alora Tuffet-Hopper

[Akivaria]

A little hin sets up shop inside the Safehaven Inn, and sometimes outside of it, when she's too drunk and belligerent to be allowed inside.

[Akivaria]

An Ode(r) for the Ages

Scarier than a marauding dragon
More grim than Waterdeep’s docks
Are two steaming, hot and grimy beasts
Those be Wayfarer’s socks

Laying prone over Safehaven’s fire
Harmless as pigeon flocks
That’s what ye thought til ye got a whiff
Of mighty Wayfarer’s socks

Should an army march to the city gates
Our war machines require nay rocks
For Daggerford and Baldur’s Gate
Are no match for Wayfarer’s socks

Far smellier than the hills of shit
And revolting than orcish pox
No one on the coast can match against
The indomitable Wayfarer’s socks

[Rumple C]

[ayergo]

This is amazing.

[dergon darkhelm]

Awesome.

5 minutes of funny tavern chat RP becomes immortalized

[Gaia_Nostra]

Well done.

[valn99]

I love it!
Well done!

[Twilighteyes]

*Cullen makes a firm decision to leave certain...genre...of tunage to Alora*

[Akivaria]

A Song that is Definitely Not Meant for Anyone In Particular

T'is a canker sore, a loathsome rat
What thieved our newly honored dead
You're a trumpeting fart, a leaking ass
And soon we'll be coming to claim your head

You shall need more straw, I fear, my friend
Should you want that codpiece to impress
Dishonorable coward, such a villain as you
Is more a stinking, pus-filled and bloody abscess

A face like yours is one that truly
Only a blinded mother could ever love
Though Bannor's pig squeals in pure delight
When you fill up her sodden trough

I reckon that mercy, is more like to come
For those who settle accounts good and fair
Return what you've stolen, and perhaps it may be
Even your pitiful arse can yet be spared

[Akivaria]

The Battle in His Pants

He set out on a voyage
One step turned into many
Burdened heavy, a struggle great
The man brought with him plenty

Hurt it did to contain it
A timeless desperate fight
The turtle poked about its head
And the air became alight

On the other side of the door
We sat with drinks in hand
A pained grunt issued loudly forth
This wasn’t going as planned

Cullen, ever brave, did not waver
And proudly took his stance
A coward assuredly never wins
The battle in his pants

Relieved, he let out a wistful sigh
The sea turtles fell with a plop
Sometimes it seems an eternity
And you’re uncertain t’will ever stop

Sadly for young master Cullen
T’was a quite unhappy end
For what use is such a victory
When you’re left without any friends?

[Twilighteyes]

You know, when I had to duck out for a while during the session last week, I had no idea the door Cullen opened led to the privy. I thought it went outside, and he could just he go and disappear for a while.

The way it turned out, though, was far preferable! Thanks to Aki/Alora for immortalizing this struggle for the ages!!

[Akivaria]

I'm glad you like it, TE.

Playing a silly, useless bard is fun sometimes.

[ayergo]

This is amazing!

*tools up an item right away for it*

[Akivaria]

Now, at some point, I need to find something funny to write about outside of a bar.

[ayergo]

Now, at some point, I need to find something funny to write about outside of a bar.

There is life outside of the bar?!?!?!